heaven has no fury
by charliespike18
Summary: When she was little, when her mother used to read her bed time stories and she lived in make believe worlds where everyone got their happy ending, she used to think true love existed. That out there was one person and when you found that one person you would give your heart away and they'd give you theirs and you'd be happy forever. She doesn't anymore. - Cara character study.


_Heaven has no rage like_

 _love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a_

 _woman scorned_

 _\- William Congreave_

* * *

When she was little, when her mother used to read her bed time stories and she lived in make believe worlds where everyone got their happy ending, she used to think true love existed. That out there was one person and when you found that one person you would give your heart away and they'd give you theirs and you'd be happy forever.

She guesses she's just cynical, now - now she knows that it's just all a load of crap. You give you heart away but there's no guarantee that you get someone else's back. You can hold it in your hands, think you have it - but it can all just fade away with words that can't be taken back and a look that speaks to so much more. You can hold illusions that feel so real that sometimes she thinks she never left those make believe worlds at all.

He's got her heart, she doesn't want it back now - fractures running down every side and glue holding it together - she doesn't want it back when anything could make it fall apart. Feeling numb is better that than.

She thinks, at least.

...

When she got married she actually thought she'd get her happily ever after with that one person who meant everything to her. That it'd end with a house and dog and kids and even that stupid white picket fence - that's what she _thought._ She was wrong.

It doesn't end anything like that. It ends with tears and words she can't say and curses swallowed down because she has to do her job. Her job - like his job. She laughs. They're both hiding behind them instead of shouting and screaming and swearing. She wants to tell the world that he is _her_ husband but her job, his job, stops her in her tracks. They're both hiding in those make believe worlds where everything will just work its self out. She laughs again, because he still has her heart and he doesn't deserve it.

Doesn't mean she's getting it back anytime soon.

...

Her father used to tell her that everything happens for a reason. She doesn't trust him quite so much anymore, her life lying in ashes in front of her. She wants to go back to how it was, before the fire started and everything she knew was ripped apart.

Her husband is not the man she thought he was and she wonders if it was all a lie. If every word that came out of his mouth was an untruth and her whole life just a sham. She'd wanted him, sometimes she thinks she still might - even if it's stupid and will end up with her getting more hurt than she already is. But, then again, he is not the man she married.

The man she married would not do this to her.

Maybe he never existed in the first place.

...

He always wanted to be a father. They used to lie in bed on lazy weekends and talk about it. About names and stupid futures where they'd have a boy and a girl and grow old in each other's embrace. He'd whisper that he loved her and they'd just lie there, happy.

But she can't think about that know because everything is tainted - every memory she has of him; from their first meeting in a school canteen to the moment he arrived on AAU it's all different now. She can't see it the same way anymore.

He has a son, now, so he got what he wanted - didn't he? Yet he won't hold him and it makes her wonder, did he even want kids in the first place - with her or with this _other_ woman. Was it always about the job?

This fucking job that he has put in front of everything. This job that has torn her life apart and ruined everything she ever wanted.

This job that, she guesses, was just _more_ _than_ _her_.

...

She drinks a shot, Raf next to her, and she knows that it's all over. Her marriage is over, gone, done - she doesn't want anything to do with Jed anymore but she knows - somewhere deep inside in that empty space where her heart used to be, that it's not that easy.

Someone laughs and she closes her eyes. Her hands close around the glass and she slams it down on the table so hard that she worries for a moment that she's broken it. She's angry, all the pain and the betrayal she's been holding back for so long is just falling out of her. She is angry.

She orders another shot and pushes one onto Raf. She drinks it down and it burns her throat but she doesn't care.

She doesn't fucking care.

Nothing matters right now.

...

When she was little, when her mother used to read her bed time stories and she lived in make believe worlds where everyone got their happy ending, she used to think true love existed. That out there was one person and when you found that one person you would give your heart away and they'd give you theirs and you'd be happy forever.

She doesn't anymore.

No thanks to him.

But he still has her heart.

* * *

 _ **Thoughts?**_


End file.
